I had the privilege of being invited to speak briefly at a candle light vigil for victims of domestic violence last Wednesday night in Belleville, IL.  This was the fifth annual vigil, the first was held in 2005 after the community had been rocked by a string of bloody domestic homicides.  One of the presenters last night was a woman whose sister and infant nephew, along with two others, had been killed the very night of the second Vigil in 2006 by the woman’s boyfriend.

I say it was a privilege because this was the first year that a representative from batterers services had been invited to speak.  Debra Mize, Prevention Manager at the Violence Prevention Center, admitted to me afterwards that she was anxious to see how I would be received. I was too. But if there is one thing we’ve all learned about domestic violence, it’s that a coordinated community response is the most effective, sometimes the only means of stopping the violence and protecting victims. Who better to have working together then victims’ advocates and batterer programs?

I reminded the gathering that seventy percent of American men never hit their wives or children and that it is from these ranks that we should look for allies. I told them that we have two goals for the remaining thirty percent, the men we see in our Men Ending Domestic Violence Program. The first is to offer them sufficient incentives and access to treatment to help them make better choices, learn to live without violence and become the kind of men we need more of. Should they be unable or unwilling to accept goal number one, we help provide prosecutors and judges with the information they need to establish that these men cannot live amongst us peaceably and should be locked up.

Afterwards, I had several survivors thank me for being present. Debra said several more attendees thanked her for inviting me. It seems that the time is right and the mood receptive for this kind of cooperation and coordination. I will look forward to attending the 6^th Annual Vigil in October 2010. Perhaps you will join me.